When I left for work this morning, the house was a mess. My Darling Wife called and said she was feeling down because it was tough to look at.
When I got home, she felt bad because she hadn't cooked supper. "All" she had managed to do was clean two kids' bedrooms, supervise two kids' school days, feed the baby, entertain the older baby, put away a HUGE pile of laundry, clean the living room, and clean the dining room. But no supper. I walked into the kitchen and found remnants of a home-cooked breakfast AND a home-cooked lunch.
I think I'll let the lack of supper slide. Just this once. You should be so lucky to have a wife like I've got.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
I'm A Toy's R Us Employee . . .
A little piece of fun died today. I agreed to stop doing things that are safe for me to do, for the sake of being a good example for the n00bs where I work in case they turn out to be dumbasses. I mean, Sure I can ride a pallet jack and ram into stuff to make it stop without hurting anything or anyone. Sure I can climb on a rolling table to get a good angle for a picture without falling and breaking my head. I can also walk around London and not need the padded light poles . . . but some people should not be encouraged to do things that would be safe if done by a non-dumbass. So, okay. For the sake of being a good example I told the Pit Boss (my manager) I'd stop doing dangerous-looking things so much.
I did, however, poke at him a little. We're in transition from a junkyard/garage sale to being all safe and compliant with ISO standards so we can attract the Big Dawg Customers. This is generally known around here, but no official announcements have been made yet. So before I told him I'd calm down, I put on a fairly straight face and told him
VFD: Look, nobody's told me to stop riding pallet jacks & climbing on sh!t yet, so until that happens . . .
PB: (thinking I'm serious) ::groan:: . . .
I considered the situation for a couple of minutes and came up with a good analogy. I think it explains a lot of changes we're going to have to make where I work:
VFD: We can't have 100 people riding pallet jacks, somebody'd get hurt!
PB: LOL
I did, however, poke at him a little. We're in transition from a junkyard/garage sale to being all safe and compliant with ISO standards so we can attract the Big Dawg Customers. This is generally known around here, but no official announcements have been made yet. So before I told him I'd calm down, I put on a fairly straight face and told him
VFD: Look, nobody's told me to stop riding pallet jacks & climbing on sh!t yet, so until that happens . . .
PB: (thinking I'm serious) ::groan:: . . .
I considered the situation for a couple of minutes and came up with a good analogy. I think it explains a lot of changes we're going to have to make where I work:
VFD: We can't have 100 people riding pallet jacks, somebody'd get hurt!
PB: LOL
SRSLY Moonbeam??!?!?!?!11//
The morons on California's coast prevailed, and they have guaranteed the entire economic collapse of their State. If you voted for Jerry Brown, you are a fool. If you didn't, I very strongly recommend trying to relocate to Arizona or someplace ORTHER than California, because your economic life is about to start sucking even worse. Just do the people wherever you go a favor: leave your moonbattery in California okay?
This Is Why We Should Elect Judges
Iowans tossed three judges out on their ears yesterday. That would be, the same three who over-ruled the will of the people and allowed same-sex "marriage" at the supreme Court of the State.
Much bellyaching ensues. Too bad. If you refuse to do what is both right AND popular, be prepared to lose your elected position.
Much bellyaching ensues. Too bad. If you refuse to do what is both right AND popular, be prepared to lose your elected position.
Kids Do The Darnedest Things
Just now, two hours after lights-out, #3 having never fallen asleep yet:
#3: DAAADEEEEE!!!
VFD: (enters room with flashlight) What.
#3: My bank it (tugs on blankets)
#3 needed help covering himself with his blankets. He needed help because he was out of position. His usual sleeping position was occupied by a DRY diaper and a PISSED-ON pillow and blanket. SRSLY? WHY would you take off your diaper and piss the bed? If he was old enough for logical thought I would be mad. Instead I spanked his bare bottom once, put the diaper back on it, recovered his bed while telling him not to pee in it ("that's icky" was said at least once) and told him to go to sleep. I put a blanket on him and left the room.
. . . and now he's humming. Again.
#3: DAAADEEEEE!!!
VFD: (enters room with flashlight) What.
#3: My bank it (tugs on blankets)
#3 needed help covering himself with his blankets. He needed help because he was out of position. His usual sleeping position was occupied by a DRY diaper and a PISSED-ON pillow and blanket. SRSLY? WHY would you take off your diaper and piss the bed? If he was old enough for logical thought I would be mad. Instead I spanked his bare bottom once, put the diaper back on it, recovered his bed while telling him not to pee in it ("that's icky" was said at least once) and told him to go to sleep. I put a blanket on him and left the room.
. . . and now he's humming. Again.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Can't Make Outrageous Spending Like This Up
The President and a few THOUSAND of his BFFs are heading to India to skulk in shame and like their wounds after their trouncing at the polls tonight. The President is fond of saying his enemies opponents have no specific ideas as to how to cut federal spending. Hey here's one: How about we don't spend $200,000,000 PER DAY on your State trip to India?
Insanity, I know. I mean, when I was president $200M/day was considered chump change. Who cares that it's the total tax burden of 20,000 U.S. American families blown per day? It's not like anybody actually pays that money, right? Can't we just tax the rich for it?
Insanity, I know. I mean, when I was president $200M/day was considered chump change. Who cares that it's the total tax burden of 20,000 U.S. American families blown per day? It's not like anybody actually pays that money, right? Can't we just tax the rich for it?
Disrepect Is Rarely So Much Fun.
That this meme started with a woman in a bra & panties doesn't make it any better. The white suit and red scarf were a nice touch, I thought . . . but to use a photo-realistic face . . . that's just wrong. Fun, but wrong.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Will Women Take A Blow Tomorrow?
Feminists are concerned that we are likely to see another decline in the number of U.S. Representatives with ovaries. To them I say: You ma'am are a sexist. What, because I don't have functional nipples I don't understand what it takes to run a country? Get over yourself and your internal-only genitalia. That you are upset enough about this to mention it disqualifies you from participation in public debate on the subject. If you think this is "disastrous" you should leave the serious thinking to serious thinkers* and get back in the kitchen and make me a sammich.
*Did I say men? You read and understood men, but I didn't write it. There are women who understand politics isn't about their bewbs, but you aren't one. What you are is a lamer.
*Did I say men? You read and understood men, but I didn't write it. There are women who understand politics isn't about their bewbs, but you aren't one. What you are is a lamer.
Madness @ Work
RB was feeling froggy today. Throwing things. Light things, but still throwing things. I was walking along minding my own [deleted] business when I caught the hard (binding-edge) corner of a notepad to the back of my forearm. RB, previously jovial and walking gaily a few paces behind me, stopped dead in his tracks. I could almost hear his been-in-prison-before brains start saying "ohshitIjustpeggedhimwiththatanditlookedlikeithurtohshitwhat'sVFDgonnadoaboutitohshitohshitohshit"
Fortunately for RB, I am a daddy and cannot be annoyed by mere tomfoolery. I picked up his pad and slung it right back at him. Its pages flared out like he was probably expecting when he threw it at me, and the flapping bundle of paper splatted harmlessly against his belly. I said "Don't throw shit at people, RB!" and resumed my original course.
Hint: if you aren't at least 95% sure somebody isn't going to stick something pointy into your brains via your sphenoid bone, it is probably best not to throw things at them, if there is a remote possibility of said thing impacting that somebody's body in painful fashion. Just FYI.
********
Oh, wait this happened at work! Where's my lawyer? Where's my camera? It almost left a mark! I'll be rich!
Fortunately for RB, I am a daddy and cannot be annoyed by mere tomfoolery. I picked up his pad and slung it right back at him. Its pages flared out like he was probably expecting when he threw it at me, and the flapping bundle of paper splatted harmlessly against his belly. I said "Don't throw shit at people, RB!" and resumed my original course.
Hint: if you aren't at least 95% sure somebody isn't going to stick something pointy into your brains via your sphenoid bone, it is probably best not to throw things at them, if there is a remote possibility of said thing impacting that somebody's body in painful fashion. Just FYI.
********
Oh, wait this happened at work! Where's my lawyer? Where's my camera? It almost left a mark! I'll be rich!
Just Words, Just Speeches.
dic·tion
1. Choice and use of words in speech or writing.
President Obama famously made a Big Deal about the words people used in making political speeches. Later, he said that some Americans are the enemies of other Americans, solely on the basis of their political opinions. Now he says "er, hum, uh, what I meant to say, uhm, uh, was that, (idea finally forms) we are opponents. Yeah, that's it, opponents. Right.*"
News flash: When you call someone your enemy, they might tend to think, e.g., that you consider them to be an ENEMY. As the President of the United States, that means you think the people of your nation are enemies of the State. In case you forgot, this is what one does with an enemy in the common use of the word.
en·e·my
n. pl. en·e·mies
1. One who feels hatred toward, intends injury to, or opposes the interests of another; a foe.
op·po·nent
n.
One that opposes another or others in a battle, contest, controversy, or debate. See Synonyms at enemy.
Are they synonymous? Yes. Are both appropriate for the President to use in this context? No, which is why he backpedaled when the news finally reached him that the People were offended. Is it his fault anyway? No, of course not. Ol' Tennis Match was merely reading what someone else wrote for him to read off a TelePrompTer. The leader of the free world can hardly be expected to be held accountable for his "just" words, after all!
********
*this may not be a direct quote
Definitions from the American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, 4th Ed., emphasis mine.
1. Choice and use of words in speech or writing.
President Obama famously made a Big Deal about the words people used in making political speeches. Later, he said that some Americans are the enemies of other Americans, solely on the basis of their political opinions. Now he says "er, hum, uh, what I meant to say, uhm, uh, was that, (idea finally forms) we are opponents. Yeah, that's it, opponents. Right.*"
News flash: When you call someone your enemy, they might tend to think, e.g., that you consider them to be an ENEMY. As the President of the United States, that means you think the people of your nation are enemies of the State. In case you forgot, this is what one does with an enemy in the common use of the word.
en·e·my
n. pl. en·e·mies
1. One who feels hatred toward, intends injury to, or opposes the interests of another; a foe.
op·po·nent
n.
One that opposes another or others in a battle, contest, controversy, or debate. See Synonyms at enemy.
Are they synonymous? Yes. Are both appropriate for the President to use in this context? No, which is why he backpedaled when the news finally reached him that the People were offended. Is it his fault anyway? No, of course not. Ol' Tennis Match was merely reading what someone else wrote for him to read off a TelePrompTer. The leader of the free world can hardly be expected to be held accountable for his "just" words, after all!
********
*this may not be a direct quote
Definitions from the American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, 4th Ed., emphasis mine.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
