After-Action Report: 26 July 2009

Night Hunting

Once again, I took out the Daisy with a handheld torch zip-tied to it. Once again it was almost like cheating, it was so easy. During the dusk and early evening hours, the birds are not really settled in, and any little disturbance sends them flying off. At night, they are either asleep or even stupider than usual. Just sit there while their buddies drop like the oversized flies they are.

My hunt was suddenly interrupted by my neighbors coming out to see their daughter's latest stud boyfriend off. She actually brought one home, which is an improvement. The husband is part of the Large Hadron Collider project, and he said that his friends can't destroy the universe just yet, because they found more Helium (coolant) leaks. They have to warm the stupid thing up and fix it, then cool it down again. Make that two MORE months' delay.

Anyhow, here's the deal with me vs. these birds:

Last week, it rained cats & dogs and my car was washed clean, thank God. The next day, I come out and find this:


That would be, at least 50 poops on my car, overnight. Now are you starting to understand why I feel no compunction about killing these birds? My neighbors also complained about them during our conversation last night.

I found and shot the first one, and it went ker-THUNK on the ground. Not a single flap. The second flew away in worse shape than it was when it picked my tree to sleep in. The third flapped a little on the way down, but it didn't flap for long. You may note a common theme when it comes to the fatal shots on these birds:



Fortunately, this lot included a female. When you kill a female flying rat replicator, she is unable to make more eggs. The males, well there's always another one out there. . . .