The Blind Man's Merge

Blind Man's Merge is the name I coined for a driving maneuver I developed in Southern California traffic. I very rarely use it here in Central Texas. This page is a definition, for future reference. Click any picture to see it 4x larger.

The blind man's merge is a technique for merging and/or changing lanes in a city where drivers do not know how to queue up properly when the number of lanes of traffic are reduced. It was developed by careful experimentation at a point where six lanes merged into two. It is theoretically high-risk but I have successfully performed it at least several hundreds of times. It is successful largely because people value their cars more than they value their place in line. Most of the risk is eliminated when your car's mirrors are set up properly.

The Blind Man's Merge is performed as follows:

When you are entering the merging zone, take careful note of the cars around you. This is the most important part of the maneuver. If you don't think you will be able to do it, just wait for a gap in the traffic to appear. Better late than wrecked. The second-most important part of this maneuver is that, while observing traffic around you, YOU DO NOT TURN YOUR HEAD. Just use your mirrors and peripheral vision. Plan ahead of time what you will do, including how far you will let this (essentially) game of chicken go, before you yield.

Set your turn signal to continuous-flashing mode.

Advance at a constant, slow rate of travel.

Do NOT make eye contact with the jerk who also wants to be in the lane you are headed for.



If you gun the gas and jab the brakes, you are running a risk of a collision from any direction. Not only might you hit another car, the cars around you might run into you. The most likely crash is a rearending when you slam the brakes. Don't be that guy. Continue NOT looking at the driver you are trying to get in front of. If they are slightly behind you, this is likely the point at which they will fall back and allow you to go ahead. If they are more than a foot or two in front, don't be an ass. Wait for them to pass and jam the front of your car in front of the one behind them.



At some point, and it varies from driver to driver, the light bulb comes on. The bulb in the stop lamp housing on their car. When a certain threshold of "zOMG too close TOO CLOSE!!!1!" is reached, the other driver will do one of two things. The more likely (in my experience) is that they will stop or slow enough for you to pass ahead of their car. Usually, you will have well over a car-length of free space. Some people will give you single-digits of feet. I have yet to encounter a driver who was willing to run into my car, just to get ahead in line. The other possible outcome is that they will make a jackrabbit start and lurch ahead several feet. If they do that, they aren't yielding. Also, remember, your speed is constant. By lurching forward, they have put their car ahead of yours. That would be the time you "lose" this contest. Yield the right of way to a car that is obviously ahead of yours. Jam your front tire in the gap between their car and the one behind theirs. The car behind will very likely slow enough to let you in. Otherwise they will have run into your car and be at-fault when the Police show up. In the image below, the preferred first scenario is playing out as usual:



When you see that they have yielded the right of way, continue "not seeing" them. Act surprised if they honk or yell. Remember, you "didn't see" them. You might even apologize if you feel like it . . . but do NOT stop and yield unless they are waving a gun or a badge, or unless you just feel like going after them. This is the point where the less brazen or more mannerly people attempting the BMM will yield. Wave the other driver ahead if you are going to let them pass you. Then jam your car in behind theirs with single digits of feet between your front bumper and their rear. You let one guy pass. The next can fall in behind you. The fellow in the green car has successfully completed the BMM. The fellow in the red car is slightly pissed off and confused. As long as nobody got in a wreck, that's fine with you!

You will possibly have to go buy a big set of brass balls before you try this the first time. Ladies tend to not try this sort of thing . . . they aren't playing chicken, they really just didn't see you (too busy putting on mascara or w/e). NOTA BENE! If you try this on a woman driver, or a driver talking (or texting, dumbass!) on a cell phone, it will not work. You have to have perform the Blind Man's Merge against a driver who is paying attention to the world around them. No offense ladies.

Enjoy.