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Sunday, May 29, 2011

No, You Don't Own The Road

Look I know it is unpleasant for you to allow other people to pass you on the highway. I know it bothers you on a deep subconscious level. But you are going well under the speed limit and everyone is passing you for a reason.

So when I am behind you in the slow lane and I move over one lane to your left to pass you, I understand why you accelerate. But you need to understand that when you are in my blind spot and accelerate to match my speed, yes you will have to jam your brakes and honk when I go to merge in front of you. If you weren't an ass, you wouldn't have been where I was about to be, so feel free to blame yourself.

Also, when you are going slow in the middle lane, under the speed limit, and I come up from way behind you in the lane to your right, if you close the gap between your car and the car in front, just barely quickly enough so I can't pass you on the right and go in front of you, I understand. I feel your pain. I hope you don't suffer too much mental anguish as I manipulate you into letting me by. I fall back just long enough that you let the gap open again, then downshift and fly by you before you can close it again.

You jerk.

Surprisingly, my Darling Wife says El Paso drivers are even worse. I told her those are drivers from Mexico and an entirely different class, but she said not just the ones from Mexico. Maybe they have to drive that way in self-defense in all the border towns? Driver's education classes: should be mandatory instruction in high school, everywhere.

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