I So Funny

Maintenance Guy is installing a sink, and borrowed my teflon tape the other day. Current policy is: Return my tools or I'll ban you from borrowing them. We're on the way to Big Company status, complete with tool tags.

MG: VFD I still have your teflon tape
VFD: I know, I have your tool tag
TS: Do you have a toe tag, in case he doesn't bring it back?
VFD: Yeah, and I have a pile of them, TS, stop asking questions
(all): LOL

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#4 was going about her bedtime business, and headed to the head. She came out and said she had to show me something with the light in the restroom. Thinking I was going to be greeted with a burned-out bulb, I went with her. She switched on the light. It was normal.

#4: It was dimmer a minute ago ( . . . ?!)
VFD: Yeah? Well now it's really dim! (flicks off light switch)
#4: DAD!
VFD:   :-D

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I can just imagine being in some military training institution . . .
Drill Sergeant: ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY CADET?!
VFD: THIS CADET DOES NOT HAVE TO TRY TO BE FUNNY SIR!

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Speaking of which . . . LB used to be a COP in a bad part of the world. In their Police academy, they were told "This is a paramilitary organization! You will salute!"

VFD: You should have told him: 'Paramilitary? Is that like halfassed military, and you couldn't hack it in the real military?'
LB: AAAAAAWWWW!!! You would get your ass kicked for saying somethin' like that!