If You Drive Like This, You STINK!

For this one, I even had a witness. I gave LB a ride home and I don't think he understood what was going on until I was laughing my head off.

LB and I were traveling in the #1 lane of a 2-lane road in traffic at 60MPH. There are two lanes of traffic, headed the same direction, with everyone going approximately the same speed. Except this one minivan. I was driving +1 safe following distance behind the car in front of us. On our 2:00 in the #2 lane was a Matco Tools Racing tool delivery van/box truck kinda like this. Coming up from 5:00 was the minivan in question. Minivan Driver closed the gap that used to be a safe following distance behind the Matco truck, and kept closing. My spidey senses started tingling, and I accelerated. Sure enough, Minivan Driver sped up.

Now bear in mind, for me this is sport. A game, playing with people who are stupid on the road. If I had been serious about not being cut off, I'd have grabbed 3rd gear and prevented it. I left my car in Overdrive and gave it a little gas. Minivan Driver got a couple feet past my bumper at one car length behind the Matco van, and started merging (turn signal free, of course). I laid on the horn and barely let him cut me off.

All this time, LB was getting nervous, wondering why I was accelerating when I should have been braking. Minivan Driver couldn't see around Matco that we were heading to a LINE of stopped cars at a red light. As soon as Minivan Driver cut me off, I hit the brakes pretty hard, because I'm not a fan of rear-ending people. Minivan Driver had to keep accelerating to illegally pass us up, and realized literally just in time he that he needed to brake. The minivan stinkbugged and through our open windows LB and I were treated to the sound of squealing tires as he skidded to a stop behind the car previously in front of us. He probably got a minor flat-spot on at least two tires.

I laughed and laughed and laughed. I LOL'd for a good mile after we took off from the stop. Two miles down the road, the super-aggressive Minivan Driver was exactly +2 safe following distances ahead of us when I made a turning off that road. At the red light where our game of chicken took place, there was an additional left-turning lane. One could maybe cut Minivan Driver some slack if he had cut across the front of us into the left turning lane, but no: he was going straight. More to the point: he was going straight by-god in front of us! He sure showed me! Obviously all respect is due to someone who can drive so authoritatively as this person! What a jackass.

Bonus points: the minivan had an OBX sticker on the window.

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LB was my bad luck charm. At frikken 70MPH on the highway, this happened AGAIN, except behind a pair of semi tractor/trailer trucks as we were in the #2 lane, and there was no stop light coming up. passmeontheright guy decided to try to cut me off on the right, behind a semi, on the highway. Instead of tailgating a semi (suicidal) to prevent our being passed on the right, this time I DID grab third gear and accelerate. I went around the semi in front of us by using the #1 (passing) lane, causing LB to remind me that his exit was coming up. I reminded him it was also my exit as I merged in front of the semi in front of the car that had been trying to pass us on the right. Talk about a failure. By the time we were off the highway, passmeontheright guy was WAY back there.

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Pass on the LEFT, people. And if the person in front of you is going too [deleted] slow, maybe you might just consider looking ahead to note the color of the traffic control lights.