Sunday, June 27, 2010

Bombs. Time for Bombs.

Well . . . not quite time for bombs. It's getting to the point of Something Must Be Done, anyhow. This is America. You can't run national politics like you run Chicago politics, and you can't run border town police men like you do down there.

The drug cartels run Mexico. We understand that and don't like it. We really don't like how the Presidente de Mexico is trying to disarm the civilians in America because he can't crack down on crime in his own country. After I am elected President, the conversation may* go something like this:


President VFD: Hey Calderon, I've got a deal for you.

Presidente Calderon: Que tal, VFD?

President VFD: We're going to send two divisions to Matamoros. We're going to kick ass, take names, and hold the city with a regiment, then move on to Reynosa. Once we get all the way to Tijuana, we're going to push South until we get to Puerto de San Bonito or thereabouts. During this time, we'll be giving free arms to everyone who will take an oath of loyalty to the government of Mexico, and teaching them how to use them. Cash bounties will be put on the heads of major drug lords, and small-time dealers, smugglers, mules, and other traffickers will be shot on the spot. Corrupt local and federal policemen in cahoots with the drug gangs will be hanged in the town square of their jurisdictions. Then we'll leave, and God help you if you try to disarm all those Mexicans we just gave guns to.

Presidente Calderon: . . .

President VFD: Then, if you let the drug cartels take over your country again, we're going to steamroll through again and just annex it all the way to Guatemala. Your help in this matter would be greatly appreciated, but not necessarily required. Oh, and we'll be appropriating fuel from your refineries down there to operate our vehicles with it. Y'all have a nice day now!

*or not. You sometimes have to use a little more politically-correct speech with foreign dignitaries.

The whole situation is so unnecessary, but their culture was built up on different religious roots than ours. Mexico should by rights be a prosperous first-world economy, with their mineral resources and tourist attractions, and vast pools of willing low- and semi-skilled labor. Instead, you have drug cartels running gun wars in the streets and corrupt politicians from top to bottom preventing any real reforms. It's a real pity, but what are you going to do?

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